Kirk/Spock Advent Calendar 2006

The Present

by T'Sihek; rated NC-17, K/S & warning for other S/m pairings
Summary: At Christmas dreams can become true. You just have to believe in them.
The story was inspired by this challenge of the SAC2006 : Lipstick stains on your collar is not a good thing when you are trying to get on someone's good side
FB: tsihek @ yahoo.de
Beta: Thousand thanks to Starshadow, who did a wonderful job helping me with the beta. All remaining mistakes are mine alone.
Disclaimer : I don't own the guys and girls of Star Trek, but the story is mine. And there is no profit made except fun.

Spock still wore his uniform, but he carried a small bag with him. With the habits of a man who knew very well what he was looking for, he went straight into a section of the station visited only by those who looked for a partner for the night. The risk of meeting the doctor or the captain was minor because they were among the first ones to beam down and Spock was sure they already had found companions. He gave a low sigh, doubting he would even meet them in this area. He had never seen even one of them interested in looking for male companionship.

A few minutes later he entered a small hotel and asked for the room he had rented. A young but nevertheless handsome boy showed him to his room and Spock went inside to change his clothes.

When he left again only Kirk or McCoy still would have recognized him as *Spock*. To everyone else he now was one of the uncountable Vulcans who visited the station on their way among the stars. They were scientists, merchants or just travelers.

Spock wore typical Vulcan clothing: tight fitting black trousers with knee high boots made of artificial leather, a black tunic with long sleeves and a high collar decorated with silver ornaments, and a wide cape. His hair was combed in a slightly different way, an almost invisible make-up completed his new appearance. He didn’t remember why or when he started to cover himself this way. He just did.

Slowly he went to the small bar in the back of the hotel. A few men noticed him but chose to ignore him when Spock entered the room with its dimmed lights, the hidden tables and niches. He was looking for a special type of man: Human, blond and with a well-muscled body. There were two who fitted that description and twenty minutes later one of them accompanied Spock to his hotel room.

They hadn't talked much, knowing well why the other had been in that bar. The Human walked behind the tall Vulcan, admiring the lean figure, the graceful movements. Spock keyed the door open and they stepped inside. Still silent, they began to undress.

Finally the Human walked over to the slightly shivering Vulcan and started to caress the lean back. Long muscles trembled under his hands. "Are you cold?" he whispered in one upturned ear and let his tongue touch the soft skin behind the lobe.

"A bit." Spock only whispered. He always felt awkward in those first moments. Awkward and terribly lonely. The one he longed for never would be with him in this way.

Silently, Spock followed when the Human lead him into the small bathroom. The water was really hot and for a short moment Spock hesitated. It was okay for him but he knew the delicate skin of Humans well enough. His companion sensed his tension. Shaking his head he stepped into the stream and gestured Spock to follow him. "Don't worry. I'm used to hot water."

Cool, soapy hands greeted Spock, when he did as he was told. Still shivering he allowed the Human to wash him. Slowly the hands started their sensual journey on his skin, caressing lean muscles, arousing waiting nipples, kneading tensed arms and shoulders.

After a few minutes Spock managed to relax. With eyes firmly closed he finally allowed himself to lower the shields of his discipline. Like a soft whisper he could feel the excitement building up in his groin, could feel his sex swelling with blood.

The soft breath of the Human tickled over his breast, his flat stomach and settled down between his legs when the man knelt in front of him.

Spock had to steady himself on the wall. The cool lips tasted him, explored him in a way he almost never allowed anyone. This night he wanted exactly that. He didn't ask why the man knew that, he just accepted it.

Soon it was over, leaving Spock with an even greater hunger for more. Still aroused he gathered the man in his arms and dripping with water he made his way to the bed. The Human laughed and cradled him in his arms. "Still hungry, eh? Don't waste time, my lovely one. Come on, take me." He laid down on his back and spread his legs in an inviting gesture. The voice was soft, seductive, filled with a tenderness that Spock could hardly bear in this moment.

Spock felt the cool hands around his still engorged shaft, leading him to the waiting entrance. He leaned back. "No. Not yet. I need to feel you inside."

Ignoring the disappointed look on the man's face, Spock lowered himself on hands and knees. He didn't have to wait long.

He felt a tenderly probing finger covered with a cool cream testing his opening, then pushing inside. Spock bit his lips to suppress a sob. This was what he wanted, what he needed. He pushed back, searching for more. His body needed to be filled, to fill the emptiness of his soul. For *Spock*, love and the satisfaction of being taken would never exist, but it did for *Solon*, if only for a few moments during nights like this, every three or four months.

The Human understood. "Hush... I'm here to quench your need," he whispered while he knelt behind the Vulcan, steadying the lean hips with his hands.

Spock groaned and buried his head in the pillow when he felt the pressure he had longed for. The Human entered him, took him with long, tender movements. The speed increasing slowly he made it last almost forever.

He knew who the Vulcan was. Being an actor, the clothes and the almost invisible make-up couldn't deceive him. He had heard about the famous First Officer of the Enterprise. But he didn't envy him for his life or his adventures. Kent could see the loneliness in the now soft features, had felt the desperation in the way Spock had made love to him last night.

Careful to move soundlessly, Kent got dressed and then looked around the small hotel room. Only a bed, a chair, a table and next door, the small bathroom. Enough to fulfill the needs of the body for one night or two, but not enough for Spock.

He took a small piece of paper and a pencil out of the pocket of his trousers and wrote down a few words. Then he placed the sheet on the table before he left.

He clutched the covers around him and pressed his face into the pillow. He felt cold inside and outside and he knew there was no fire bright or hot enough to warm him.

Instead he allowed himself to sink back in the memories of the lovemaking during the night. The Human had been tender, had aroused him to an almost unbearable level until he allowed him to come at last. Spock wasn't sure if the man had noticed his tears, his sobs, when he had taken the Vulcan. Torn between the wish to run away and hide and the needs of his body he had allowed his discipline to break down. Knowing his soul would feel raw and torn in the morning, he couldn't resist the urge to open himself to that stranger, looking so much like the one he never would be able to touch in this way.

Finally he sat up. Crossing his legs in the meditation position beneath him, he let himself become *Spock* once more. It took only a few minutes of meditation to reestablish the well-known walls of control and discipline around him.

Silently he got up and dressed after a short shower. When he came out of the bathroom he noticed the small note on the table. Slowly he took it.

Lips pressed firmly together he clenched the paper in his hand. Then he left the room to return to his life on board the ship. HIS ship.

Spock stopped when he heard the familiar voice behind him. A few minutes ago he had beamed aboard the Enterprise and was now on his way to his quarters to change into a fresh uniform.

Obediently he waited and held the doors of the turbolift open until Kirk had reached him. "Captain." Spock greeted him with a small bow and his usual non-smile.

Kirk beamed with joy. "I've got good news, Spock. There's a famous company of actors on the station and we've got orders to ship them to Darion IV, the next stop on their tour. Their leader already promised me to give us a play during the Christmas party. Isn't that great?"

"Yes. I would suppose the crew is looking forward to it?” Spock was well aware of the crew's interest in theatre.

"You can bet they are! You just beamed aboard, right? Bought some presents down there?"

Kirk gave him a curious side glance which Spock chose to ignore. He suppressed a sigh when they reached the officer's deck and the doors opened.

Spock didn't notice the expression of longing on Kirk's face when he turned around and went to his quarters.

On the next evening the Christmas party would take place. Spock had voluntarily taken the second and third shift to allow the crewmembers to take part who would otherwise have to stay on the bridge during the party. He, himself had no interest in it.

At the end of the first shift when he came onto the bridge to take the con from Kirk, his friend stopped him with a smile.

"Spock. I'm sure a lot of crewmembers are glad you have taken the shift for the rest of the day, but I’d also like you to visit the party. Lt. Carter has told me it would be okay for her to take the third shift, because she isn't interested in either the play or the party afterwards. It'd be good exercise for her to have the con for a while. We're on a safe route and I expect no trouble during the next few days. So please, change the shift tables and join me this evening."

For a moment Spock was stunned. Kirk wanted him to accompany him? Perhaps he was right and it was a good idea to hand the con over to the young lieutenant. She had already proven to be capable of managing the third shift with only two more crewmembers on the bridge. Kirk wanted him? Not one of the countless women who tried to gain his attention whenever they meet him in the ship? Slowly Spock nodded his consent. "I'll do as you wish, Captain."

When Lt. Carter arrived to take the con, Spock had successfully stored his hopes behind a huge wall made of bricks and ice. He would never have what he was longing for. Never would be allowed to touch the body and mind he had loved for years now.

Slowly he went down to his quarters, showered and ordered some fruits and bread. Completed with a cup of herbal tea it was his usual evening meal. Not allowing himself to think about the next hours he ate.

Then he opened his wardrobe. He knew Christmas to be a special holiday for Humans and he also knew that it was expected to wear something else than the usual uniform.

His gaze fell upon the black combination he had worn on the station some nights ago. Hesitantly he touched the silken tunic. So much like human skin...

It was Kirk. "I'm sorry, I'm a bit early." Still standing in the open door, Kirk looked like a shy boy.

"Please come inside, Captain. Perhaps you can give me some advice. I'm unsure about the appropriate dress this evening."

Kirk watched him, enjoying the view of his Vulcan friend. Spock wore only a long dark-green bathrobe. His hair was still damp from the shower and he could see the sinewy feet.

"Perhaps something the same color as your current robe. The color complements you."

Spock gave him a short glance then took a Vulcan combination out of his wardrobe. It was a pair of tight black trousers and a tunic made of velvet, the color a mixture of dark-blue and green, ever-changing. The long sleeves and the high collar were decorated with the silver ornaments of his clan. It was similar to the one he had worn on the station, but held a completely different meaning to him.

This wasn't the robe of a merchant but of the prince he actually was. He showed the clothes to Kirk. "What do you think about this? Would it be appropriate?"

Kirk nodded. "Yes." He touched the soft material of the tunic. "It looks great."

Without hesitation Spock opened his bathrobe and with a shrug it slid down his back. Kirk hold his breath. Spock clad only in the black regulation briefs was a gorgeous view. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, desperately hoping his body would not give away the longing he felt for his Vulcan friend. Spock never would understand that.

Moments later Spock had donned the combination. Completed with black socks and black shoes it was a completely different view than Kirk was used to.

"Great. You should always wear Vulcan clothes when you're off duty. I bet after this evening there will be about half of the crew in love with you."

Spock rose a brow. "That would be a reason to stay with my habit of wearing uniforms even in my free time,” he answered, clearly amused.

Spock needed a moment to overcome his surprise. Jim liked his appearance? Only because of the unusual clothes or all the time? Not knowing how to translate this statement he followed his captain to the main recreation room.

Spock nodded. "Affirmative. The performance of the actors was quite impressive."

"All right." Kirk strolled off and Spock’s gaze followed him. Clad in black, tight fitting jeans and a dark-red, silken shirt in Spock's opinion, he was gorgeous.

The soft voice burned through Spock's control and he turned round, facing the man he had met a few nights ago. "It is him, isn't it?"

Slowly, Spock made his way through the crowd, very aware of the man following him not too openly. He signaled to the Human to follow him down the corridor to an empty room.

The Human smiled. "Don't be silly, Spock. I'm just curious and I want to help a lonely soul." He rose a hand to keep the Vulcan from answering. "I do not want anything from you."

Slowly he touched the slightly trembling lips. He knew he could destroy the Vulcan's career at this very moment. The wrong words to the wrong persons... It was not his way of acting or even thinking. But he knew in the bars there were plenty of guys looking out for just such an opportunity. It was a shame Spock had to visit such establishments because he didn't dare to talk to the man he really was in love with.

"I don't wish to harm you. When you came in that bar I recognized you at once. One cannot fool an actor by some clothes or make-up. You did a great job, but I can see behind the masks. I saw your loneliness, your fear and your need for a friend for that night. I was that friend and I always will be whenever you need one."

He sat down in one of the chairs, allowing the Vulcan the distance he needed now. "You certainly know that relationships between two men are quite ordinary nowadays. No reason to hide."

Spock nodded, still unsure about the Human’s intentions. It was okay for a man to look for the same gender, but it was forbidden to go after one's superior officer.

There was a small pause before the Human went on. "You're in love with your Captain, aren't you? He's the one your body and your soul cries for at night."

Spock didn't have to answer that. He just looked down, hands clasped behind his back. "He never will accept me as a..."

"Don't be too sure of that, Spock. As I told you before, I can look behind the masks a person’s wearing. And Kirk's mask is almost as completely in place as yours."

The Human got up and approached Spock. Gathering the suddenly trembling Vulcan in his arms he pressed his lips to the very sensual point behind the lobe. The point he first kissed him that night that seemed long ago. "It is Christmas, Spock. The time in which dreams come true. The time of love and joy. Don't forget that."

Spock suppressed a groan when his body came to life, feeling the touch of the Human. "Stay with me tonight," he pleaded, desperate to suppress his loneliness.

"No." The Human let him go. "Not tonight, Spock. I think I'll have a much greater present for you. Just look out for my lipstick on a collar and you will know what it is."

"Yes. It was great." Somewhat disturbed Kirk looked around the crowd, obviously searching.

"Yes, we met on the station." Kent hesitated a moment, then gestured to the exit. "I think there is something you should know about him, Captain, before others do."

Silently Kirk followed the actor, curious and anxious about what this man knew about his friend.

A few minutes later they entered the room. Kent knew Spock was already gone. After a desperate kiss the Vulcan had fled the room and his presence. The cause had been obvious and was even more visible when Kirk stood next to him. They looked so much alike, they easily could have been twins. Kent was wondering if Kirk recognized their almost identical features.

Kirk let the door close behind them, then fixed the actor with that look Klingons had learned to fear. Kent laughed and approached the other man until he stood right in front of him. "You know where I knew Spock from?"

"During the first night the Enterprise was docked at the station, Spock visited one of those bars only men frequent. There we met. We spent the night together and I can tell you, I really enjoyed his presence as I did a few moments ago in this room."

Kirk's mouth fell open but he had enough discipline to collect himself in the next instant. "You tell me Spock is interested in men? Why should I believe you?"

"Look for some lipstick on his collar and you will know my words are true." Kent smiled. It was so easy to read the thoughts in Kirk's face. "Don't worry. I don't want to harm him. I just want to see him happy."

"Look at me, and then look in a mirror, Kirk. What you see is almost the same face, the same body. I even have the same color-changing eyes as you. Why do you think it took only moments for Spock to ask me for my company during that night?"

Still disbelieving, Kirk shook his head. Spock being interested in men? Spock wanting him? Loving him? Never in his life would he have imagined that. Of course in his dreams he had, often enough to be true. But in reality? He was so deeply lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the actor walking around him and approaching him from behind.

Surprised he almost jumped when cool Human lips touched his neck, then caressed their way to his lobe and the tender skin behind. "Do you want to know how sensual he is right here at this point? Can you imagine him crying and writhing in the throes of passion, do you know the little sounds he makes when he is sucked?"

Kirk groaned, his body already tense with arousal. Just the image of Spock, naked in a bed, did that to him. Imagining Spock making love with another man... The pictures the actor's words roused in him left him burning with jealousy.

Kent felt the sudden tension in the other man's body and let him go. "Spock is much too anxious to lose your friendship. He will never speak openly to you on his own account because you are his superior officer. But he loves you, his body cries for you in every movement. I've seen that and I only have had a few moments before the play started, to watch the both of you together. Believe me. Don't let him starve any longer. He doesn't deserve this."

The actor had kissed him, deeply, passionately, arousing his body within moments. Knowing this man never could soothe his longing, Spock had broken the embrace and had fled out of the room. He had been in need for some time alone and so he went to the empty observation deck, where he tried to reach the first step of meditation. His attempts had failed and feeling again the loneliness he had decided to return back to the party. He had needed to be near the one he loved. Just to see him would have been...

In the door Spock had stopped. He had seen Kirk. Had seen the embrace and the kiss he had shared with one of the actresses. Had felt the sudden stab of pain. Often enough he had witnessed scenes like that before to know how it would end.

He had turned on his heels and this time he did run to his quarters, barely suppressing the sobs until the door closed behind him. The actor had again torn down his shields. Had left him with nothing to defend against the pain he now felt. Alone...

It was Christmas... the time of love and joy. Spock made a sound that could have been a laugh or a sob. He didn't care. Running down the corridor he had heard the laughter and the happy voices behind him. Not for him.

For a brief moment he had believed the actor, had believed in the possibility of dreams becoming true this night. Not for him. Never for him.

He could hear footsteps passing by his door, voices thanking for presents. He turned on his bed, grabbed the covers and buried his face in them, covered his ears.

"Hush... I'm here. I'm finally here." Kirk sat down on the bed next to his friend. His gaze fell upon a red spot on the dark collar of the tunic. Lipstick. Bright red and soft, like the one the actor had worn during the play and afterwards.

At once Spock froze. He hadn't heard Kirk, hadn't felt his presence like he always did when he entered a room. "Please go, leave me alone," he whispered. He didn't trust his voice right now.

"No. I won't Spock. You know, Christmas is the time of joy and love. I want to see you happy, want to see the joy in your eyes, not tears."

Slowly Spock turned. He hadn't cried, not the way Humans did. Disbelieving he searched in Kirk's face for a hint that everything was just another dream. The bright smile told him it was not. Unconsciously his eyes drifted down to Kirk's collar. There was lipstick there. The one the actress had used? It was not the bright one of the actor.

Hesitantly Kirk reached out for Spock, but the Vulcan backed away, looking at him with pain filled eyes. "Why are you here? Because she turned you down for the night? Do you look for a companion, for another game of chess?"

Kirk swallowed. Again he had hurt Spock, the pain was clearly audible in the voice. He knew he was almost too late, knew Spock had seen him embracing the actress. She had kissed him, had tried to seduce him. But in his mind there had been other plans for tonight and he had excused himself.

"No. This night I wanted to give you a special present. I asked you to join me for the play and the party because I had some plans afterwards. I just wanted to talk for a while to the actors, but when I excused myself you were gone."

Kirk rose to his feet and went a few steps until he could lean against the room divider. His back to Spock, he continued. "I was looking for you when one of the actors approached me and told me he had some news about you. It sounded as if he wanted to pressure you somehow so I followed him to an empty room. There he told me he had met you on the station. Told me about..."

Kirk sighed and looked down at his clasped hands. "He told me you're in love with me. Told me you never would give me a hint because of various reasons. After I talked with him I returned to the party, hoping you would be there. Instead one of the actresses invited me. She clung to me and it was hard to get rid of her. That was when I saw you in the door, saw the expression in your face."

Turning, Kirk opened his hand. A small medallion was laying there, glinting in the reddish light of the bedroom.

"The actor told me nothing new. I know about your affection for me, know how much you value our friendship, the way we trust each other. But I had known nothing about your wish to touch me, to be my lover. I had dreamed about that, had imagined it during lonely nights. I tried to quench my hunger for you with men on shoreleave. But everyone looked like you and I felt as if I was betraying you so I stopped looking for men. Instead I chose women. With the result that my hunger grew even more."

Slowly Spock stood up and went to Kirk, his hand closing around the fingers which held the medallion. Among Vulcans it was a gift between spouses, a plea for the love, the heart and the soul of the beloved. Jim wanted to give him that?

"Why had you never spoken to me?" Spock whispered, still too anxious to wake up and again discover everything to merely be a dream.

"Because I feared to lose you. I didn't dare to speak to you because I thought my emotions, my... physical needs and wishes would force you away from me."

Spock cradled the Human in his arms, just desperate to finally feel him. Kirk hugged him back, pressing his face against the velvet covered shoulder. "I love you, Spock. I love you more than I loved anyone before. Love you more than my life or my ship or..." he murmured under tears. Then he stepped back, remembering the medallion in his hand. "This is my Christmas present for you, Spock. I want to give myself to you."

"Yes. I couldn't stand any longer to live next to you, to always be in your presence and being not allowed to touch you. I wanted to ask you for a bonding. Even when you won't let me ever touch you physically, I would be near you in another way."

Speechless for the first time in his life, Spock only could gather his beloved in his arms and kiss him. "Yes, love of my heart. Whenever you wish. But there is something I would do first."

Laughing Kirk kissed him. "No. Never before have I experienced so much passion and stamina in one person. And I think I never could get enough of it. All I still wish for is to be a part of your mind forever. Not just for a few minutes when our bodies are joined in ecstasy."

"As you wish, my T’hy'la. Your wish may come true in time. I can already sense a link forming between us. Our love is so deep, we won't even need the help of a healer to form it."