Gratitude

by Hypatia Kosh; rated PG-13
Beta-read by Farfalla
FB: athena_sappho @ yahoo.com , but honestly, you'd be better off emailing Farfalla at blueberrysnail @ yahoo.com

He climbed out of his chair and around the railing. Uhura addressed him quietly. "Admiral Mendez with a private communication for you, sir. Shall I pipe it down to your quarters?"

Kirk nodded. He felt a certain sense of foreboding. What would Jose want to tell him informally and away from the crew? He glanced at Spock, who blandly glanced back and sent him a brief squeeze of support through the bond. "Spock, you have the conn," he said for the bridge to hear, and disappeared into the lift.

Mendez was waiting for him when he reached his terminal. "Hey, Jim. How've you been?" he asked with a casual smile.

Kirk faked a smile in return. "Pretty well--at least until you called. Don't tell me you've got bad news."

"Oh no, Jim, not at all. Well, depending on your point of view. I didn't want to tell you in front of your officers because I know it's a sensitive subject for you, but--"

"What is it?" Kirk asked impatiently.

"There's been an indictment. Several, actually. In the Cole case. You recall those scientists who died on Camus II, supposedly some radiation illness?"

"Yes," Kirk said, his stomach lurching.

"The investigation turned up evidence that they were murdered. Now, details are murky, but apparently in Cole's confession he claimed that Lester ordered the killings. We know she tried to have you executed."

"Yes, but I'm not really sure how serious she was. She had the opportunity--more than once--and kept blowing it. Not that I'd--not that I'd necessarily put it past her."

"She's in an institution right now. . . . They need to build a case against her, and then I suppose there will be a fight over her fitness to stand trial."

"She isn't that nuts," Kirk objected, "just imbalanced." Kirk balled his fists. "I should have made the connection myself. I would never have remanded her to Cole's custody if I'd known--"

"No need to blame yourself, Jim. No--" he held up his hand over Kirk's sputter, "I know you may feel like you should have been on top of your game despite everything, but it took a team of forensics experts months to prove foul play. They were very clever about it. From what I've heard, Lester has an IQ of 125."

"I wouldn't put it that high," Kirk muttered darkly. She couldn't even figure out that Spock and I were lovers, he thought, but didn't say it.

"Jim, I really do sympathize. I love my wife, but if I had to live a day in her body, I'm not sure I'd keep my sanity."

Kirk shrugged. "It wasn't so much being in her body, as wanting my old body back. You understand."

"Of course." Mendez straightened in his chair. "In all seriousness, I should point out that you, and some of your senior officers, may some day be called to testify before the grand jury--but don't pack your bags for Earth just yet. This literally could take years."

"We should be able to testify remotely, via subspace radio."

"If the lawyers will allow it."

"Right."

"Listen, Jim, I have to go, but I just wanted to pass that along. Sorry if I stirred up any old memories, but I figured you would want to hear the news."

"I did. Thanks for everything, Jose."

"De nada. Mendez out."

The screen went blank. Kirk went directly back to the bridge and deliberately thought happy thoughts for the rest of the day.

Spock was waiting for Kirk when he returned from his evening promenade in Engineering. Perversely, Kirk was a little annoyed to see him. He didn't want sympathy. It was too . . . weak.

Spock could be very persistent. Now, for example. He sat quietly and watched Kirk as he bustled around the cabin, pretending to ignore him. Spock could outwait Kirk even on his worst day, and tonight he did not have to wait long.

"I hope you're happy," Kirk began, "nosing around where you aren't wanted.

"Why don't you just leave me alone?"

Spock only tilted his head, as if Kirk were only a particularly perplexing plant specimen.

"I'm having a terrible day, haven't you caught on?

"Look, I'll make a deal with you: you can come by tomorrow. I'll be in a much better mood then.

"Why don't you say something, for goodness' sake!"

"What did you have in mind?"

"Just . . . scold me or something."

"Why would I wish to do that?"

"I don't know--Because I'm acting like a--like a . . ." He couldn't complete the thought.

"Perhaps you could share with me what is troubling you."

"Nothing. It's nothing! Janice Lester's male companion--Cole?--has just been indicted. Apparently it was he who killed all those people on Camus II, not some illness, and we--and I--never suspected a thing. That's all. Nothing."

"Jim, you are working yourself into a state--"

"I'll show you a state."

"Please spare us both the demonstration."

"Take a hike."

"No."

"What kind of answer is that?"

Spock stood up. He took a step towards Kirk, then another. "Tell me, in a perfectly sincere voice, that you wish me to leave, and I will leave."

Looking him straight in the eye, Kirk said. "Spock, I want you to . . . stay right here. Damn. Tricked again."

"Jim," Spock said, and put his hands on Kirk's shoulders, "those people were already dead when we arrived. There was nothing you could have done."

"I could have--I . . . Spock, I just can't help feeling like a hapless sucker for getting caught alone with Janice. I never imagined she would turn violent. Maybe . . . I thought age would mellow her out. I went through a . . . phase, too, but I grew out of it."

"You have your body and your life back. Everything else is an experience--a very rare and curious experience." Spock had the oddest sense of gratitude about the weirdest things.

Kirk remembered. "I'll never forget the way you defended me."

"I had no choice. In this body or any other, you are most precious to me."

Kirk didn't know whether to smile or blubber, so he settled on hugging Spock, hard. "Don't . . . ever . . . leave."

*I am always with you* Spock sent through the bond.

Kirk eased up on his grip. "It's funny, though--I almost feel like you liked me better as a woman."

"Why do you say that?"

Kirk pulled back to look at Spock's face. "You were more affectionate--openly affectionate."

"I suppose I responded to an instinct one might term 'protective'."

"See, you did treat me differently," Kirk said. His voice was serious, but Spock caught a hint of teasing in his eyes.

Spock teased back. "The transference wore off so soon that I suppose you'll never know."

"Spock!" Kirk grinned. "Come back here and kiss me."

Spock, after a feigned show of diffidence, heartily complied.

After a minute, Kirk came up for breath. "Show me. Show me what you would have done."

Spock stole another kiss, but said: "I won't do that. It pleases me that you were restored to your own body, to your male body. I believe you enjoy being male and I would not have one iota of your happiness taken from you."

Kirk closed his eyes and dwelled on a memory, the memory of making love with Spock after the transference had failed and the Enterprise had been restored to him. Spock had been so gentle, almost as if he thought Kirk would break, and Kirk for his part had been almost overwhelmed by emotion.

"Thank you for being you," Kirk murmured.

Spock tapped his cheek. "I could not be otherwise."

"Then thank the universe, if you won't take credit. Make love to me--please?"

"Pleas are not necessary."

"Your track record says otherwise."

"Let me help you out of that shirt, Captain."

"Mmm, you Vulcan devil you--"

"I resent that comparison."

"Hey, go back to what you were doing--yeah. That's nice."

Piece by piece, two uniforms landed in a heap on the floor.

Step by step, two naked, horny Starfleet officers backed onto a bed.

Matters proceeded rather rapidly after that.

Kirk lay in post-coital bliss atop the equally enervated Spock. "Do you ever suppose," Kirk said, "that we have to go through tribulations in life to find out what we're made out of?"

"It is a popular theory among Terrans," said Spock, "but I would prefer a world where one never had to find out."

"That day may never come. Until then, I'm glad we have each other."

"Indeed," Spock agreed, "so am I."

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